I was feeling so down... forgotten and alone. I pressed in. I prayed. I sought the face of our King. I went to bed with more peace than I have had in weeks.
I was in that foggy morning dream world somewhere between being asleep and awake and I heard God speak to me, "Pursue me. I am pursuing you." And then the story of the woman with the issue of blood came to mind. I woke up wondering what in the world the story of the woman with the issue of blood had to do with being pursued by God. I got up, opened my Bible and read for myself what exactly happened.
From the NKJV: Mark 5:25-34 - Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she said, "If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well." Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction. And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, "Who touched My clothes?" But His disciples said to Him, "You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, 'Who touched Me?'" And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction."
When I read this the first thing I saw was in verse 28. Her thoughts were that if she could just get into his presence she would be made whole. "I've been doing that, Lord." He knew my heart and showed me that it doesn't end there. Knowing that power was released from Himself and into the life of another, JESUS SOUGHT HER OUT. Not only did he minister to her physical problems when she touched the hem of his garment, but He also ministered to her spiritually and emotionally by seeking her out and responding to her with kindness.
I am no different. I fought to be in His presence when I felt alone and afraid. I continued when I felt no change. But then the Master touched me. He showed me that He is "pursuing me." James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." As I dwelt in His Word, He made Himself known to me in a new way.
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
It has been almost two years to the day that I wrote this but lately I have found myself in a similar place. Again God has reminded to seek Him first and most and everything else will fall into place.